Is unkindness a form of bullying? - Online Consumer Forums Digital-Boards.com The Consumer Network

paisley_mittens · 05-10-2007

My little girl, Lucy, formerly homeschooled, started public school (2nd grade) in December. For the most part, she is getting along well with her peers, but she has been having problems with one particular girl in her class ever since she started school. She is constantly telling my daughter she's doing her work wrong, and would erase her work, against Lucy's will.
Since then, Lucy has become much more assertive, and sticks up for herself, which has made this other girl even more determined. She has started threatening my daughter that she will "tell" if my daughter doesn't heed her wishes, and has even falsely accused my daughter of hitting her, when Lucy stood her ground.
Aside from this, she gives my daughter dirty looks and talks in a snotty tone when the teacher isn't looking. She says "Ewwww!" if my daughter has to sit or stand beside her. In my eyes, this is clearly bullying. She is interfering with Lucy's right to an education through her unkind behaviour, and I am at my wits end.
I have spoken to her teacher, who clearly sees this as just a case of kids being kids, and hasn't, to my knowledge taken any serious action to remedy the situation. Do you think this is just 'kids being kids', and that Lucy just needs to grow a thicker skin and put up with it? Any suggestions as to how I should proceed?

Jewel · 05-10-2007

I believe that this is clearly a case of bullying. She is making your daughter uncomfortable deliberately.

You should seek assistance from the principal of your daughter's school. Since the teacher is unwilling to take action, you must seek help from a higher power.

If your daughter feels uncomfortable going to school, and it's causing her difficulty in her life, make sure the situation gets changed! It can be a very traumatic experience to be picked on by other children.

paisley_mittens · 05-10-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jewel

I believe that this is clearly a case of bullying. She is making your daughter uncomfortable deliberately.

You should seek assistance from the principal of your daughter's school. Since the teacher is unwilling to take action, you must seek help from a higher power.

If your daughter feels uncomfortable going to school, and it's causing her difficulty in her life, make sure the situation gets changed! It can be a very traumatic experience to be picked on by other children.

This fits my definition of bullying, too, but I get the impression her teacher just sees me as a neurotic, overprotective pain in the butt. I want my daughter to fight her own battles, but this situation is beyond the point of her being able to handle it on her own. I will be speaking with the principal, and her parents if necessary. Thanks for your input!

Lloyd Brown · 05-11-2007

I think it sounds like your daughter has limited social networking, and you have to get used to it, just like she does.

SingleAgain · 05-11-2007

I think that to a certain degree children need to learn to deal with others on their own. But when it reaches the point where the other child is interfering with their work-as in this case, with the girl erasing her work, then it is not ok. Something needs to be done to stop that.

Lloyd Brown · 05-11-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingleAgain

I think that to a certain degree children need to learn to deal with others on their own. But when it reaches the point where the other child is interfering with their work-as in this case, with the girl erasing her work, then it is not ok. Something needs to be done to stop that.

The only way someone can erase another's work is for that person to physically take the paper from them.

At that point a sharpened pencil thru the hand should do the trick.

paisley_mittens · 05-12-2007

Lloyd Brown, I don't understand what you mean by "limited social networking". Can you please explain? If you mean to say she has few friends, that isn't the case. Lucy has made several friends at her new school. If you mean that she lacks social skills, you are wrong again. She is quite outgoing and handles herself quite well in most social situations, and has never had prblems relating with other's 'til now. In either case I don't agree that she should have to "get used to it". Oh, and actually, that's not the only way a person can erase your work. They can also lean in and just start erasing, before you even have a chance to do anything, as in my daughter's case.

SingleAgain · 05-14-2007

Violence won't solve anything either! We had this happen at my junior school (not sure how it would compare to here-I was maybe 5 years old-second year of school). A kid in class got real ticked at another kid. Reached over and stabbed him in the head with a pencil, which snapped off a little above the wound, in the kid's head. Blood EVERYWHERE. The injury was fairly superficial, the pencil had embedded under the scalp but I am not sure about the skull-they must have figured a five year old didn't need to know that

He was back in school the next day.

Anyway, I hope your daughter figures things out. It is unfortunately a common perception that home schoolers cannot handle themselves in a social setting. Amongst my friends there are many homeschoolers and my experience is of a well balanced group of young people who are way ahead of the curve.

We start homeschool in about two years, and I am already waiting on the objections from family

paisley_mittens · 05-14-2007

SingleAgain, I agree violence is never an answer, however I think (hopefully!) Lloyd Brown was just being cheeky with his/her suggestion. Anyways, I got a lot of objections, too, especially from my grandma who was homeschooled on a practically-deserted island, and therefore sees homeschooling as synonomous with isolation.
The important thing is to surround yourself with people who are on the same page as you. I am. I fully support homeschooling, and would still be doing it if I could. I have health problem's that make it difficult for me get out, and provide my daughter with the social opportunities she needs. If my health improves, I'm definitely homescholing her again. I've been thinking about this a great deal, lately, considering the problem's she's having, and how the school is dealing with it.
Find a homeschooling support group. If there are none in your area, you could start one yourself, or join an online homeschooling group. And don't feel like you have to defend your choice to homeschool. Typically, the people who oppose homeschooling already have their minds made up about it, and you're not likely to convince them, anyways.

SingleAgain · 05-16-2007

Thanks for the advice! I really hope that your health does improve-your daughter's education and emotional well being will be so much stronger for it. Good luck either way in resolving your issue.

05-10-2007	#1 (permalink)
paisley_mittens Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Age: 34 Posts: 32	Is unkindness a form of bullying? My little girl, Lucy, formerly homeschooled, started public school (2nd grade) in December. For the most part, she is getting along well with her peers, but she has been having problems with one particular girl in her class ever since she started school. She is constantly telling my daughter she's doing her work wrong, and would erase her work, against Lucy's will. Since then, Lucy has become much more assertive, and sticks up for herself, which has made this other girl even more determined. She has started threatening my daughter that she will "tell" if my daughter doesn't heed her wishes, and has even falsely accused my daughter of hitting her, when Lucy stood her ground. Aside from this, she gives my daughter dirty looks and talks in a snotty tone when the teacher isn't looking. She says "Ewwww!" if my daughter has to sit or stand beside her. In my eyes, this is clearly bullying. She is interfering with Lucy's right to an education through her unkind behaviour, and I am at my wits end. I have spoken to her teacher, who clearly sees this as just a case of kids being kids, and hasn't, to my knowledge taken any serious action to remedy the situation. Do you think this is just 'kids being kids', and that Lucy just needs to grow a thicker skin and put up with it? Any suggestions as to how I should proceed?

05-12-2007	#7 (permalink)
paisley_mittens Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Age: 34 Posts: 32	Limited social networking? Lloyd Brown, I don't understand what you mean by "limited social networking". Can you please explain? If you mean to say she has few friends, that isn't the case. Lucy has made several friends at her new school. If you mean that she lacks social skills, you are wrong again. She is quite outgoing and handles herself quite well in most social situations, and has never had prblems relating with other's 'til now. In either case I don't agree that she should have to "get used to it". Oh, and actually, that's not the only way a person can erase your work. They can also lean in and just start erasing, before you even have a chance to do anything, as in my daughter's case.

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05-10-2007	#2 (permalink)
Jewel Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 26	I believe that this is clearly a case of bullying. She is making your daughter uncomfortable deliberately. You should seek assistance from the principal of your daughter's school. Since the teacher is unwilling to take action, you must seek help from a higher power. If your daughter feels uncomfortable going to school, and it's causing her difficulty in her life, make sure the situation gets changed! It can be a very traumatic experience to be picked on by other children.

05-11-2007	#4 (permalink)
Lloyd Brown Administrator Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 518	I think it sounds like your daughter has limited social networking, and you have to get used to it, just like she does.

05-11-2007	#5 (permalink)
SingleAgain Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 98	I think that to a certain degree children need to learn to deal with others on their own. But when it reaches the point where the other child is interfering with their work-as in this case, with the girl erasing her work, then it is not ok. Something needs to be done to stop that.

05-14-2007	#8 (permalink)
SingleAgain Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 98	Violence won't solve anything either! We had this happen at my junior school (not sure how it would compare to here-I was maybe 5 years old-second year of school). A kid in class got real ticked at another kid. Reached over and stabbed him in the head with a pencil, which snapped off a little above the wound, in the kid's head. Blood EVERYWHERE. The injury was fairly superficial, the pencil had embedded under the scalp but I am not sure about the skull-they must have figured a five year old didn't need to know that He was back in school the next day. Anyway, I hope your daughter figures things out. It is unfortunately a common perception that home schoolers cannot handle themselves in a social setting. Amongst my friends there are many homeschoolers and my experience is of a well balanced group of young people who are way ahead of the curve. We start homeschool in about two years, and I am already waiting on the objections from family

05-14-2007	#9 (permalink)
paisley_mittens Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Age: 34 Posts: 32	SingleAgain, I agree violence is never an answer, however I think (hopefully!) Lloyd Brown was just being cheeky with his/her suggestion. Anyways, I got a lot of objections, too, especially from my grandma who was homeschooled on a practically-deserted island, and therefore sees homeschooling as synonomous with isolation. The important thing is to surround yourself with people who are on the same page as you. I am. I fully support homeschooling, and would still be doing it if I could. I have health problem's that make it difficult for me get out, and provide my daughter with the social opportunities she needs. If my health improves, I'm definitely homescholing her again. I've been thinking about this a great deal, lately, considering the problem's she's having, and how the school is dealing with it. Find a homeschooling support group. If there are none in your area, you could start one yourself, or join an online homeschooling group. And don't feel like you have to defend your choice to homeschool. Typically, the people who oppose homeschooling already have their minds made up about it, and you're not likely to convince them, anyways.

05-16-2007	#10 (permalink)
SingleAgain Consumer Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 98	Thanks for the advice! I really hope that your health does improve-your daughter's education and emotional well being will be so much stronger for it. Good luck either way in resolving your issue.